By: Kirsten Ilajas

Do you believe in the saying, “If it is meant to be, it will be?”

Three years ago, I never believed in this idea. I thought that this was just a usual line on a break-up scene in which people would say, “If it’s us in the end, then fate shall find a way to bring us back together.” What a concept!

Somehow, I found it a mere excuse to escape when things do not go as planned or as how we want them to. Sometimes, it is better to leave it all to fate, or the universe, or to a force that we cannot control so that we do not bruise our ego with the thought that we have fallen short—that things are not working out and that there is nothing we can do.

I used to think that this mantra was just for people who would like to fool themselves—people who trust that fate and destiny will give them the things that they ask for. And yet, weeks ago, I finally had a resolve—a metanoia. I was the one saying: “The universe tells me that this is for me.”

For three seasons, I have submitted three application letters to The Panoramic Soul’s inbox. Three out of three went through, but was that enough? Of course, it was not.

The Panoramic Soul’s Travel Intern Series is one of the tough battles that I had to go through in life. I have had so many doubts about winning, about my skills, and so many other things and insecurities, but I fought through them, and I couldn’t be more grateful that I chose to fight no matter how impossible things were.

And now, I fully understand the ultimate secret of the universe.

Season 1 & 2: The Maiden Voyage & The Return

Back in 2015, I was on shift when I first saw the advertisement on Facebook. I got interested when I read out the poster that says, “The Travel Intern.” It made me curious and thrilled. I went to The Panoramic Soul’s page. About three days after seeing the ad, I have sent my letter of intent to TPS. I never thought that I’d get through. I thought that it would be good practice, and I like writing, so why not try? Weeks later, I was surprised to be part of the top 20. The season went on for months. Then, I have reached the finals, but at the end of Season 1, I landed on the 13th spot.

However, even if I did not get a spot in the Top 10, TPS gave me a chance to travel to Balut Island in Saranggani. It was my first legit assignment as an Amateur Travel Writer.

The trip to Balut Island has inspired me so much that I became so determined to snatch the trophy in Season 2. I poured my heart out on the letter of intent and placed 2nd. It was a good sign. I thought that because I was a returnee, I would have an upper hand over the others. But then, mid-season, I doubted again. There were a lot of people who were way better than me. By the end of the season, I placed 7th and won a trip to Tawi-Tawi. It was still not a loss, and I have improved from last season’s 13th place.

The Middle. The Twist. The Gamechanger

Then, after two seasons, something happened—my life was going nowhere. I lost my fire and my interest in the things that I used to love.

I did not join Season Three, and I have stopped writing—not even for the sake of pouring my heart out or relieving my anxiety. No journals. No love letters. No thank you notes. No long, carefully composed messages.

It was a time when I have practically given up on writing. Writing was the reason why I kept on sending letters to TPS—the reason why I kept on joining contests and workshops. Writing was that one thing that kept me sane when all the things were so difficult to understand, but I lost the passion for it. My childhood passion had run dry.

I was on a different side of the globe, in a different time zone, on new terrain, but it felt like it was a time when there was nothing to share with the world.

It was a long pause. I thought it was the period and the end of my journey as an aspiring writer.

Until one fateful day, a small knock came through.

No, it was not even a knock, but a surge of feeling okay—a surge of wanting to write again, to pack that rucksack and share adventure stories to the world.

When I wrote my third letter of intent, I told TPS that I was ready to conquer the world, to rise from the ashes, and to chase my dreams no matter how far-fetched they may seem.

Season IV: Somewhere Different 

Season IV came along with the pandemic. I thought that this was something unfavorable as I cannot go home to the Philippines. I may not be able to participate in some of the challenges. However, it was contrary to what I thought. Everyone could not do the challenges outside, so we needed to work with what we had at home or just somewhere near us.

As the world stood still, so did my busy days. In the morning, I had time to fluff all the pillows, to cook and eat breakfast unhurriedly, to smell my coffee and sip it slowly while tasting the bitterness and the hints of sugar, and to stare out my window and notice that birds would sometimes perch on the beams outside. Even if I was just inside the apartment, it felt so different—the world was very different.

Being in quarantine has helped me think through and plan for the entries that I would submit in each of the challenges. Somehow, staying at home has given me more insight and realizations that I would later apply to my outputs. The Travel Intern series was my quarantine project.

ACT I: Letter of Intent

I was so pumped to write the letter to share the things that I have been through, the adventures that I have encountered, and the trips I have made. But surprisingly, what I wrote in my letter was the story of how I have forgotten how to write and how much I wanted to gain it back, piece by piece.

It was the kind of letter that contained every bit of bitterness that there is in life, yet with the realization that at the end of the day, life is not just about happiness and adventures. We need to acknowledge the aching parts—to taste the bitterness for us to appreciate the feeling of being okay and life’s sweetness even more.

My letter of intent got first place, and from then on, I knew that I had to win—from then on, I knew that the universe was rooting for me.

ACT II: Test of Photography

They asked us to submit a photo that depicts the theme Somewhere Different. What could be more different than the world we live in today? I took a photo of the usual spot where I run on some afternoons. It was a picture of an empty Marina Promenade where people usually flocked—runners and bikers would pass through the bridge’s sidewalk, diners filled the restaurants, and party yachts passed through the canal city. But now, it was a very different scene—a very quiet Marina.

One of the problems I encountered in this Act—actually across all seasons—was the Public Voting. I only got 200+ votes for my entry. However, what made me hopeful was that my family and friends were very supportive, plus the thought that I just kept on saying that if this is for me, then this is for me.

ACT III: The 24-Hour EIC Challenge

ACT III was divided into two parts The Travel Intern Insight and The Storyteller in You. The first part was to answer two questions: “What else can you put on the table that other semi-finalists cannot?” and “How did traveling change you as a person?”

My answer to the Insight part was the story of how I conquered the waves of Balut and other misadventures—how I was still able to rise no matter what happened during the different journeys, good or bad. There might be times when it would be tough, but I am sure that I can still share good stories even if life throws me the worst lemons in the world.

My answer to the next question was that traveling had taught me how to adapt, to change, and to be resilient.

In the second part of the challenge, we listened to the music “Aligning Hearts” by Ivan Torrent. We were to imagine or immerse ourselves into the music and, out of it, share a story.

I closed my eyes while listening to the music; I imagined running with the gazelles in a vast plain. It was one of the most emotional pieces of music I have heard in my life, such that even after the challenge, I would still listen to the track and think of the gazelles.

The EIC Challenge had brought out my more emotional side, which that I do not often share with anyone. I thought it would sound cheesy or mushy, but actually, it did not. I had produced better outputs for feeling what I felt at that time.

The Interview

I have done three interviews with The Panoramic Soul’s core group, but this interview was the most special to me. When they asked what was new in my life, all I can do was laugh and smile because, to be honest, they already know what was new. We have been in touch since 2016, and it was more of a catch-up with tricky questions from time to time, but even if we have been acquainted for the past years, I would still panic from the questions that were asked.

The Workshops

The workshops were my favorite part of the competition. First, because they were not graded, and second, because I learned a lot. This was also the part where the participants have become more acquainted and familiar with each other.

It was the part of the competition where I felt more comfortable about sharing ideas with co-participants and our mentors as well.

During this part, it was as if I found a set of like-minded people who share the same interests and passion.

The Finals

I almost didn’t make it to the finals. I was the last among the five finalists. This was the part where I haven’t slept the most. This was the part where I started to doubt again. This was when I did not know where I stand in the competition. All eight participants were Intern material—the outputs were great, and when we were down to only five people, I was so tense because the outputs were superb. It was not clear who would win, and I started asking myself, “What if I didn’t win? Would I still join Season 5? What would be plan B?”

But then, after a while, I realized that I was here for a reason—that regardless of whether I win or not, I will give it the best that I can. This is when the secret of the universe that has been unraveled to me.

The Public Voting was mayhem. I know that with the quality of the outputs, the 5% voting score was very critical. I have messaged all my friends for support and for that week, I think I may have messaged every friend in FB twice.

I wanted to be The Travel Intern so bad. Who does not want free travel? Who does not want to reach their dreams of roaming the world while sharing adventure stories?

But aside from that, there was a greater reason why I wanted it so bad. I wanted to be The Travel Intern to redeem not just myself but also those people who have lost their passion and dreams. I wanted to inspire others by showing that regardless of how crazy life can be and how impossible it is to see the good in this world, there is hope if you do not give up.

When the voting was over, I tried to sleep early. I tried to calm down, to chill, and to not think about the competition too much.

And so, the evening the results were announced, I arrived home after playing Frisbee at the beach. My roommate congratulated me, and I was just “What? Why?” I opened Facebook, and that was when I saw my face alongside Mariegold’s. I was surprised. I did not know what to say. JC, TPS’s EIC, video-called Mariegold and me, and that was when I confirmed that both of us won the competition. We were Travel Interns—the universe has granted my wish.

Thank you

I want to take this opportunity as well to thank everyone, especially the core team behind The Panoramic Soul: James, Raine, Jerome, Kristina, and Ryan, who have all been so patient with us from the very beginning and for giving us the chance to roam the world and to share our stories, and for welcoming us as a part of not just an organization but a family.

To Mariegold, Hakeem, Anne, Dianne, Charlene, Joey, and Rene who have been very wonderful throughout the season, I am very thankful to have met you guys. It was more than just a competition for me. It was like finding a tribe amidst this chaotic world and knowing that wherever I may be in the Philippines, there’s a friend I can catch up with.

To my family and relatives, thank you very much for supporting me on this journey. We may be 5,000 miles apart, but your love and support have transcended distance. Thank you for believing in me and the things that I can do since day one.

To my friends, friends of friends, and even those I do not know personally but still supported me in the Public Voting, thank you very much. You are all part of this win.

To God Almighty, the prime mover of all things in the universe, thank you for Your undying great love.

The Secret

Before I forget, the Universe’ Ultimate Secret—honestly, there’s no secret at all. When you believe that the universe is rooting for you, that some unseen force is guiding you, that something great is pushing you to the limits, that you are meant for greater things, then you are rooting for yourself.

I realized that the universe was rooting for me because I was rooting for myself. The universe wanted me to win because I wanted this so bad and worked hard for it.

We are in the places where we should be, and the stars would align when it is the right time, but what completes the process and brings us our dreams—our greatest aspirations—is the thought that we want it, that we believe it, and that we will do anything for it. That is the secret.

It took me three seasons to finally realize this, but once I did, I never looked back and continued to push forward, no matter how unclear things were.

When you believe that the time is right and the heart is right, the universe will bring you the things that your heart yearns for the most. It may not be now, or the next day, or next year, but eventually, you will know it, and whatever you are waiting and working for will be on your doorstep, waiting for you to unbox it.

Whoever is reading this, may you hold the secret of the universe in your heart and know that you are meant for great things and that your dreams are just around the corner, waiting for you to be ready to chase them.

Believe in yourself.